For all the talk about friction between windsurfers and kiters, it’s always seemed to me more like a good-natured rivalry than anything else. Yeah Trip Forman rocked some boats with “windsurfing has been cancelled” (to which Dana Miller responded with “If it were easy they’d call it kiteboarding” and “cancel this, kiteboy" stickers) but they both did that in fun. In person I’ve never seen anything but good relations between kiters and windsurfers on Long Island.
Then I encountered the Kite Chump.
It was Saturday afternoon at Napeague. About 35 windsurfers in the ABK clinic…students and instructors…were sitting in beach chairs by the side of the road. 35 happy, enthusiastic, supremely stoked windsurfers in the middle of a lecture about some aspect of our favorite sport. A car pulled up along side of us, stopped, and a big face popped out of the window, bellowing:
“Right bar! Left bar! Right bar! Left bar! Haven’t you heard? Windsurfing has been cancelled!”
Then the face cackled and drove off.
About a third of the ABKers started laughing at the guy. A second third explored various conjugations of “asshole” whilst the third third expressed pity.
“What a chump,” said one student.
“A kite chump!” proclaimed a second.
“I didn’t think they actually existed,” said a third.
There was no doubt now, though…at least one existed. Or perhaps he was just a regular Napeague kiter possessed by an evil spirit for a minute. He’d wake up the next day with no memory of his madness, and ask one of us to help launch his kite. I’m always happy to help with that. Anyhow we got right back to our windsurfing and forgot all about the Kite Chump. Until he came back the next day.
I didn’t see it myself, but this time after doing his Kite Chump routine he gave Buddha Mike a business card. Mike showed us the card during lunch. “Get this,” Mike said, “he gives kiting lessons, surfing lessons...”
Mike paused…
“and ‘life lessons’. He’s a Life Coach!”
Laughter erupts. “I’ll tell you how to live your life’” someone said, imagining themselves as Kite Chump the Life Coach, “run up to large groups of happy people and insult them!”
I don’t know if Deepak Chopra would approve. For myself I say: Dude, teach kiting, teach surfing, maybe not so much with the Life lessons. In fact you may want to approach any of the thousands of friendly Long Island kiters and get some coaching on inter-boarder civility.
(Photo: Dana Miller and pal with a few words for any haters out there. If you're interested in his stickers, check out the email link on his site.)
Ha! The Bozos don't realize that it's all about having fun. Kite guys overall are fairly good, it's those Fort Point surfers that you have to watch out for. The freaks will try and drown you if you dare to encroach on "THEIR" territory. It's enough to keep a guy in his Force 5.
Posted by: Joe Rouse | September 29, 2009 at 04:04 AM
Mike you are too kind. That guy was a F#@#*%# asshole!
Posted by: Geo | September 29, 2009 at 06:56 AM
Mike, I don't help launch or land kites, I've seen too many accidents...and I don't want their widow suing me
Posted by: george markopoulos | September 29, 2009 at 07:26 AM
Find out if he windsurfed. If he didn't...Bet him a grand that you can learn to kiteboard and stay upwind before he can get in the straps and planing. Guaranteed win :) kiteboarding is easy.
Posted by: Josh | September 29, 2009 at 11:09 AM
Josh, that would be shooting fish in a barrel. He hasn't windsurfed, by the way...he has no idea. And I have tasted the kiting experience...it just wasn't for me.
George M...I hadn't thought about liability. Maybe I'll switch to just helping them land kites ("I was trying to help, your honor!") It's a drag to think about law suits.
Vulcan George (member of the "second third" described in the post, obviously) I'm thinking that a little bit goes a long way.
Posted by: Michael | September 29, 2009 at 11:35 AM
I want some "life lessons" because I must be missing something.?
Kite Chump, if you actually knew how to windsurf we could have a decent debate. You don't, so we won't. All sports have a time and place that each will excel - FYI Kiteboarding has been canceled in under 8 and over 30 knots for everyone but the elite, stupid or ignorant. I love to kite when the conditions are good for kiting, I also love to windsurf when it's good for Windsurfing - same holds true for Surfing, Standup and Golf. I'm embarassed for and by the Chump.
Posted by: Multi sport | September 29, 2009 at 12:50 PM
It's a fragile ego, indeed, that can't abide others' happiness. Poor chump.
Posted by: James | September 29, 2009 at 02:13 PM